Being Mum

What started out as a birthday wish for you mum, has extended into an expression of words and thoughts.

Thank you for a brilliant childhood. Thank you for being my rock, my tree to lean against. Thank you for being my sunshine on dark days and showing me the way home and remaining my home even as an adult.

Thank you for teaching me and allowing me to grow into the person I am. You watched my wins and you watched my fails and I was always met with the same response, a big hug and oh I love you darlin.

I remember so clearly you walking me to kinder school and to see my teacher Miss Bonny. You would always leave me with a kiss and an “I love you”

Oh how I loved kinder and my teacher, then when you would pick me up, how you would listen to me rattle on about what happened that day. I know I was the ultimate chatterbox. I must have driven you mad, but you never ever told me to be quiet.

Wherever we would walk, it was always so fast because you had to get to work, to earn money to look after us; you were the breadwinner, the handyman, and the cook, the jack-of-all-trades.

I also remember how you always held my hand. Firstly the long walk to kinder, then primary school. We never had a car; we didn’t need it, did we? You would walk me right into the school gates, holding my hand, kissing me goodbye and telling me you loved me

I would see other kids walking to school on their own and I would think to myself why won’t my mum let me do that? I can’t wait to be grown up enough to be allowed to walk to school on my own.

As an adult and a mother, I now think, “Where were the mothers”? Not with the thoughts that they were not looked after or cared about, more the thoughts of, how sad that, whatever the reason, they did not get to cherish those moments, of holding their child’s hands as you walked them to school.

I am so glad that you were the kind of mother you were. I am so glad, you walked me to school, kissed me goodbye, and told me you loved me, daily. I loved that you did that and it has made me the same kind of mother. I always kiss my boys hello and goodbye and tell them I love them and they respond, they have never been embarrassed, because it is what we do and it is our way, our family. I love our family!

Each day our kids leave us for yet another day of learning, each day they walk out of our houses, they are one day older and one day closer to adult hood, then one day in 15 years time, they will no longer want to hold your hand.

If only, back then, if we thought about 15 years down the track, realise that every moment with your children is so special, so sacred.

They grow up so fast.

Is it possible to wish time away? It’s a tough role in life, being a parent, I know.

You are so tired. You are working, you are trying to do house work, trying to read to the children, trying to cook dinner, all the while trying to be a walking encyclopedia or these days Google or Siri. They ask a lot of questions, well mine did, especially my youngest. Why, but why, how?

Then they get a little bit older and the kids start to wish the time away and as a mum we start to wish it would slow down.

When I was 12 I would wish I were 15, because I would be able to go to the pictures on my own. Seventeen to me was a magical age; it seemed to be a romantic age. I have no idea why, but I always remember thinking I can’t wait to be 17. Then I was, and then I wished I were 18 so I could drive a car and go to the pub. Then I wished I was 21 and so it goes.

I was a wisher, I wanted to grow up, and I wanted to live my life. I was impatient I couldn’t wait for the next adventure.

We are always wishing for something. As a teenage, our first kiss, our first drink, our driving license, our first boyfriend, a car and job. Never stop wishing or dreaming, but stop wishing your life away. It goes fast enough as it is.

As a child, you would say don’t grow up too fast. I would think yeah yeah mum.

Our memories, how wonderful they are. We record everything. Our mind is a vault, full of beautiful memories. Then one small event can open up a flood of beautiful memories something that you had forgotten, that was all locked away for many years, and then they are there again. Real, brought back to life and they are all encompassing.

I have a memory, and it depicts you and your parenting skills perfectly.

I can’t remember exactly what I did that was naughty, perhaps I answered you back, and that really was the only naughty thing I did ha ha. You had been brushing my hair and you gave me a smack on the bum with the hairbrush. I cried not because you hurt me but because I hurt you. You cried, because you thought you hurt me, you offered me the hairbrush, and you said you to me” Hit me back, with the brush side” with tears in your eyes. I didn’t take the brush and I couldn’t hit you back.

Thank you for teaching me in the gentlest way

You were not strict but you had a moral expectation of me. How not to fight, do right by people, do not take what is not yours, do not lie, be kind and be gentle with your words. More than being scared of any repercussions for punishment for something I may have done wrong, however re reading the story I have just expressed, you weren’t very good at punishment in any case, my discipline came to me, by way of, I did not want to disappoint you,

If I did something wrong, what hurt me the most, was the look of disappointment on your face.

Memories, they are like a movie of the best times of our lives and the saddest and all of those in between. Are they as we actually remember them, or are they embellished to satisfy our current desires, maybe photo shopped?

Really does it matter, they are our memory, so what if we make them a little more colorful, beautiful, happier. We own them!

I am middle age now, so have the best times of our lives past?

Not a chance. I speak on behalf of you as well mum. You are still living the most fabulous life.

I open my memory vault regularly, and I have so many cherished memories, from my own life, but also, from our life together too, mum.

You always make me laugh, our boys and the girl’s laugh, you, make people happy.

You did give me a good giggle the other day, when you rang me to tell me that you’d had your fish and chips for your birthday lunch with your friends and you needed to let me know how good they were. Your words “they were so bloody good” I love how the simple things in life bring you so much joy.

Mum you have something special in you that are rare. Your love of the simple things in life, the smallest thing can bring you so much joy. You have never been one to need or want trinkets and jewellery, fancy cars or grand houses, I don’t think I can ever recall you saying I wish I had, because what you had, you were truly grateful for.

If we could bottle that essence that you have, that quality that you have, you would be a millionaire. 10 times over.

We have had some incredible adventures during our friendship and our mother daughter years. Have we finished making memories, no way. There is so many more to come. I can’t wait to make more with you. Every minute with you is treasured, every experience and adventure with you is enshrined.

So we are making a new memory for your 85th birthday, you are coming to my house and your kindness of heart, you’re bigger than yourself heart, wanted to know what I wanted for dinner. We will get that Thai stuff that you like. Ha ha hah because you wanted to please me over yourself.

Well it is not happening today, your 85th birthday is all about you. Our family will be all around you, celebrating you, with you, loving you, laughing with you and just being with you.

They say the proof is in the pudding, I woke up this morning post birthday celebrations and lay there thinking how lucky I was to have this family. How beautiful my boys treat you and treat me, and that is something that has been learned. High-five mum we’ve done a great

I am surrounded by love and my heart is full with love and gratitude for what I have in you and my children.

Celebrating my mum my guardian

Featuring Sue Vincent photo for her writephoto challenge